Tag Archives: weight loss surgery

How Did You Lose Weight?

Leave a reply

surprisedWhen you lose a significant amount of weight, heck when you lose any noticeable amount of weight, people will ask questions. People are not shy about asking personal, probing, and sometimes very silly questions.  Many WLS patients are a bit apprehensive about fielding questions – even people who would, on almost any other subject, be an “open book.”  The question that drives this fear is probably the most obvious and logical question someone could ask: “How did you lose weight?”

The apprehension comes from the fear that their answer: “I had weight loss surgery,” will be followed by a response of… “Oh, I thought that you did it yourself,” or the dreaded, “Oh, you took the easy way out.”

It may be that people respond with these types of reactions due to an ignorance of WLS, it may be a reflection of some jealousy or resentment they may hold toward the successful WLS patient, or, at worst, it could be a desire to insult or offend.

Regardless of the reason, such a response is hurtful to the WLS patient and is perceived as totally devaluing their efforts… the costs, pains, risks, fears, and hard work that all successful weight loss endeavors require.

I love being asked the question: “Bill, how did you lose all that weight?”  But before I explain why, and how I answer, let me first suggest that “weight loss surgery” is an incorrect answer to the question.

A person loses weight one way and one way only… they take in less calories than their body burns.  It’s been that way since day one, and will likely be this way till the end of time.  Its simple math, addition and subtraction, learned in the first grade – 54 years ago in my case!  Add the calories eaten and subtract the calories burned to power bodily functions (heart beating, lungs breathing, body temperature) and calories burned from exercise or other physical activity.

Weight loss surgery is not the reason you lost weight.  To believe such passes all of the credit for achieving weight loss to something outside your control.  It would indeed be taking the easy way out.

When I am asked the $100,000 question, here is how I answer:

Person: “Wow, Bill, you look great… you’ve lost a lot of weight!  How did you do it?

Me: “Well, I lost weight the only way anybody can… I took in less calories than I burned up.  To put it simply, on a daily basis, I eat well and I exercise.  I eat well to limit the calories that go into my body and I exercise regularly to increase the calories my body burns.

Most of my life I had difficulty eating well, that is, managing my calorie intake, so to assist me with that goal I had gastric bypass, which helps me limit the amount of food I eat at any one time.  It doesn’t choose what I eat, so I must be certain to choose highly nutritious foods.  It is a lot of work, but well worth it.  And of course to burn calories I work out on a daily basis.  My gastric bypass doesn’t help me with that… it hasn’t once yet got me up off the couch and sent me to the gym!”

At this point, if the person asking me how I lost weight was not familiar with gastric bypass, they likely want to know more.  And if they had any inclination to be less than supportive, they quickly reconsider as my enthusiasm and excitement for what I have achieved is obvious and undeniable.  I am a freight train of unrepentant excitement that nobody wants to try and derail.

Gastric bypass, the vertical sleeve, and the lap band are tools.  Tools compensate for our limitations.

Fifty-four years of life had taught me that I didn’t have the ability to manage my eating. Try as I did (and I tried all the diets and weight loss plans out there), I simply didn’t have the skill, strength, ability, intestinal fortitude, whatever you want to call it, to manage my food intake. Some people are born with the innate ability to self-manage this aspect of their life. I wasn’t.

Consider a short person trying to paint their ceiling. No matter how hard they call on their internal strengths and intestinal fortitude, someone five foot tall cannot paint their ceiling without the aid of a ladder – a tool that allows them to overcome certain physical limitations they face so that they can unleash their skills and energy to achieve their goals. The ladder doesn’t paint the ceiling for them. It doesn’t select the color or neatly trim the moldings. A ladder, like WLS, is simply a tool that someone can use to accomplish their goal of brightening up their home.  The WLS patient simply uses their surgery as their tool to help them lose weight and maintain weight loss for the rest of their life.

Does this conversation make any sense?:

Person 1: “Wow, your room looks nice, you’ve done a great job of painting.  I like the style and color of what you did to the ceiling! I really… hey, wait a minute, is that a ladder I see over there in the corner?”

Person 2: “Yes.”

Person 1: “Oh… [sounding less than impressed] I thought you did it yourself.  I guess you took the easy way out.”

Ridiculous.  🙁

Be proud of what you have done for yourself.  NEVER feel bad about using the correct tool for the job you’ve undertaken.  You have accomplished something that very few humans are capable of.  You turned your life around and now lead a healthy lifestyle because you were smart enough to select – and utilize – the tool you needed to accomplish a goal you set for yourself.  You did that.  YOU!

I am often asked for lessons learned.  Here are my three running rules:

1) Never, never, ever give up,
2) Remember that you’re doing this for YOU and you’re worth the effort and investment, and
3) You will make mistakes and suffer a setback or two – when this happens refer to #1 and #2 above.

And above all know this:

You are capable of more than you can imagine,
You can do this,
Don’t overcomplicate things,
Eat well and exercise,
Believe in yourself,
Do a little better today than you did yesterday.
It’s the journey that gets you there, not the surgery.
A better life, a new life awaits… GO CLAIM YOURS!!

What I Learned After Biking 525 Miles to Speak at ObesityHelp2015

Leave a reply

Five years ago I was 54 years old and the prospects of a 55th birthday seemed bleak. I weighed 404 pounds and my health was failing, obesity was putting my life at risk. Countless diets and weight loss plans had not worked.  But on October 4, 2010, I underwent Roux-en-Y gastric bypass surgery and my life changed forever.

IMG_4975 Bike RideToday, I weigh 200, and instead of watching life pass me by, I embarked on a 525 mile bike ride to increase awareness of the dangers of obesity, specifically in people aged 55 years and older.  My destination was the 2015 ObesityHelp annual conference in Cary, North Carolina, where I was a speaker.

It’s important that people realize that it’s never too late to take control of their health. You can defeat obesity and reclaim your active, healthy and productive life, even in your senior years.  I am living proof that it can be done.

The Planning and the Anticipation

The time that goes into planning these things. The details, the specifics, the decisions. Trying to imagine what it will be like… what I will need…. how it will feel… how I’ll react. Planning not only the agenda, but for the resources I’ll need for contingencies unforeseen. Knowing it will be work. Hard work. Knowing I’ll be tested. Afraid of the possibility of failure but excited about the chance to feel success and accomplishment.

There was a point when my mind switched from the images conjured and formed during the planning process, to the cold hard reality of implementation.   The planning process being full of hazy, vague and often romanticized thoughts, images and feelings of what I was about to do, which were quickly replaced by the stark, bold, distinct, and often ugly facts that present themselves when I actually took action.

For me this point of demarcation came on Thursday morning October 1st as I jumped on my bike and began to peddle away from my home in Westerville, Ohio. My stomach was in knots. My mind raced with thoughts, not the least being: “Can I actually do this?”

The Implementation

I was off and riding. It didn’t take long for a feeling of comfort to overcome me and I relaxed and began to enjoy the ride. But that level of anxiety, of discomforting worry and fear, would return, almost nightly, as I reviewed the agenda for the next day. Would the weather hold? Would there be hills that might defeat me? Would the wind turn against me and beat me into submission? And my most personal and private fear, “Will I have the strength to ride as far as I planned?” But each day I got up and peddled my bike – and each day brought a new level of accomplishment, of wonder, and a sense of personal achievement and victory.

I was having the time of my life. The trip far exceeded my wildest dreams. I was having a great time viewing wonderful parts of America as I rolled by at 10 to 15 miles per hour.  It had been years since I had felt so alive and had such confirmation of proof of life… proof that I alive – felt ever so viscerally through testing my inner strength against challenges I couldn’t see coming, but knew were out there… Of the daily cycle of fear of the unknown being overcome by the accomplishment of doing and achieving.

There is a tremendous sense of freedom while traveling around by bike. Your spirits soar, the shackles of everyday life are lost, and you cannot help but feel a joy for life, a lifting of limits, the elation of living LARGE.

Things I’ll Never Forget

· Being up in the mountains of West Virginia looking down on clouds that filled the valleys leaving the mountain tops exposed above them like endless waves upon the ocean.

· The absolute fear and rush of careening down a Virginia mountain at 35 MPH on a narrow road that twists and turns and has no shoulders, a rock wall on one side and a 300 foot drop on the other, holding the handlebars for dear life and praying that there aren’t any potholes or out of control cars ahead.

· Spending time in Mt Airy (Mayberry RFD) with thousands of people celebrating their Autumn Leaves Festival and meeting some special people who sat and talked and laughed with us.

· Riding for miles along Paint Creek in West Virginia, observing beauty so profound that words cannot describe it and photographs cannot capture it.

· Getting up each morning and facing the fear of not being up to the task of the miles and the climbs, and then the feeling of success and victory that came when the day ended and I’d defeated every obstacle I faced.

And I Wept When It Was All Done… For Being Done Too Soon

Then, after months of planning, 12 days of riding through four states, the Appalachian Mountains, 400,000+ revolutions of my bike wheels, one flat tire, a bee sting, being chased by a half-dozen dogs, temperatures as low as 40 degrees and as high as 81, riding in the rain, being watched online by over 40,000 people, burning 25,000 calories, making dozens of new friends and hundreds of memories… the ride was over.

I had accomplished what I had set out to do.

What I Learned

The hardest part of the ride was the mountains. The ascents were difficult and the descents were scary. But I found them a perfect metaphor for what can come from the challenges we often face in life… Right in the middle of the worst of them came the most beautiful views… The beauty of the mountains revealing itself to me as I crested each peak, something that I never would have experienced had I avoided the challenge.

We face challenges all throughout life.  Some are imposed upon us, others we impose upon ourselves. My Journey to Fitness has had challenges of both types.  Both have tested me, but also gifted me with beauty and joy.

Right in the middle of my life, I accepted the challenge to get healthy.  I never would have experienced my rebirth into a healthy life, the joy of riding through the mountains, or the honor of meeting so many wonderful people from the WLS community, had I not accepted and faced this challenge… if I had not ‘Dreamed BIG and Dared to Fail.’

We are capable of far more than we can imagine. There are no limits except those we impose upon ourselves. Age has nothing to do with possibilities – who is too old to dream?

Thank you to everyone who prayed, supported, encouraged, cheered, coached, followed and believed in me (even when I doubted myself).  You are part of the beauty that this challenge has revealed to me and I am infinitely wealthier for the experience of knowing you.

Do I Wish I’d Have Had WLS Earlier in Life?

Leave a reply

I was recently asked if I wish I had undergone WLS earlier in my life.  At age 54, after two decades of trying to manage my weight – and failing miserably, I underwent the RNY procedure and in one year lost one-half of my 404 pound body.  Better yet, I’ve maintained that loss for four more years.

Old Man and Young Man optical illusionYou lose weight by taking in fewer calories than you burn up.  This is accomplished by managing the food you put into your body, and by managing the energy you burn through exercise and activity.  Until I weighed 350 or so pounds, I had no trouble with exercising.  I played sports, rode my bike, hiked, and kept active with my three sons.  But I couldn’t seem to manage my eating.  No matter how much I exercised, my calorie intake continued to exceed my calorie burn, and over time I went from 190 pounds to 404 pounds.

The last straw in my decent into an unhealthy life came when I went above 350 pounds and it became almost impossible for me to engage in the types of physical activities I loved and regularly enjoyed.  The decrease in exercise only made the situation worse and soon I weighed over 400 pounds.

WLS gave me the tool I needed to manage my food intake.  From the day my surgery gave me the gift of food management, I have eaten well and exercised, causing a calorie deficit that facilitated a 202 pound weight loss.  Today that same tool helps me manage myself such that I’ve maintained the weight loss and built a strong, healthy and fit body.

So with all of my success coming at the end of my 50’s (I’m now 59 years old – almost five years post-op), it would seem a logical question for someone to ask me: “Don’t you wish you’d have had WLS earlier in your life?”

The Author of My Life Story

Of course I’d have preferred to have stayed at 190 pounds through my 30’s, 40’s and early 50’s.  It would have allowed me to have even more fun with my kids, play sports even more intensely, explore the world more completely, avoid a couple of health issues, and saved me tons of embarrassment and heartache.   Yes, I wish that I hadn’t become overweight and obese.  But do I wish I’d have had WLS earlier?  Maybe, but probably not.

In the WLS world we say that with surgery we’ve made a life-style choice to travel a different path. We describe this path as a new life-long Journey.  And we have.  And it is.

However, since surgery only gives us a tool we can use to self-manage our journey, our success with WLS depends on us being able to use the tool for that purpose.  And our being able to use this tool is a direct result of the things we’ve learned in life, our outlook, our attitude, our mental toughness, our resolve to accomplish this goal.  It’s the total of all we are that gives us the resources we need to overcome the weaknesses and failures we’ve suffered.  That and the tool of WLS.

At thirty years of age there was much I hadn’t yet learned… I hadn’t faced the adversity of building a career, the challenge of fatherhood, I hadn’t gained a true and honest picture of what and who I am, I still possessed the idealized vision of myself I held in my teens and twenties.  I hadn’t grown to understand me.  And without that background, I wouldn’t have been able to use the tool that WLS gave me to make the changes required for my Journey to Fitness.

It’s all Part of the Journey of ME

To me, my life before WLS and my life after ARE my life.  My only life.  WLS is simply a point of demarcation – a date on the calendar of MY life.  An important date for sure, but not one that can stand alone.  I don’t believe that WLS would have worked for me at forty years of age any more than getting married at fifteen or retiring at thirty would have worked for me.  I wouldn’t have been prepared.

My grandfather used to have a colorful saying: “There are some things you just can’t explain to a virgin with words and pictures.”  WLS is something that worked for me at fifty-four years of age because I was ready for it, my experiences giving me the experiences to manage the process.  I believe that until I possessed these experiences, WLS would have been another failure in my attempts to manage my weight.

So while it is interesting to ponder, I really don’t waste much time looking back.  I am who I am because of what I’ve done, what I’ve experienced, and how I respond to the twists and turns that life throws me.  To wish it any different is to wish I was other than who I am.  And I’ve got to say, I’d miss me if I was anybody else!

“Am I the Same Person I was Before I Lost Weight?”

Leave a reply

“Am I the same person I was before I lost weight?” Many people who have achieved significant weight loss ask this question. I’m one of them. We want to know if, and if so, how much and in what way, the significant physical change that we have undergone has changed us as a person.

Perception

A ‘person’ is a complex concept. But let’s make it easy and use a basic definition. A person is me or you or any of the hundreds of other people we interact with or cross paths with every day. Each of these people are unique and the result of a special but ever-changing blend of many variables, such as:

  • Their physical body, shape, skills, looks/image
  • Their mental capacity, education, intelligence
  • Their self-image, life roles, environmental feedback
  • Their moral and character values
  • Their personality, preferences and likes, life experiences

In my case, I’m half the person I used to be, having lost 200 pounds and kept it off for four years. I now wear a large shirt versus the 5XL that I used to wear, while my pants and sport coats are similarly reduced in size. My body is fit from daily exercise and I stay very active, running, riding my bike, and playing soccer. I look, feel and act totally different than I did before I lost weight. Some people, upon seeing me for the first time after I had lost weight, didn’t recognize me. They didn’t know that I was me! One person, whom I had known for six years, even introduced himself to me, believing that we were meeting for the first time. There are times that I don’t recognize myself, as when I see someone walking toward me and prepare to move out of their way or say hello, only to realize that I’m actually looking at a reflection of myself, and I hadn’t even recognized it as me.

So, as most of the physical ‘me’ has completely changed, am I still the same person I was when I was fat? Have the extreme physical body changes I’ve sustained been a catalyst for changes to the other variables of my personhood? Are my moral and character values still the same? Has my personality changed? Do I have a different mental capacity/intelligence than before? To what extent has my self-image changed?

Self-Image

According to David Schlundt, a psychologist at Vanderbilt University, over the course of our lives, our sense of self-image develops through a complicated interplay between cultural ideals, life experiences and accumulated comments by others. The result is, inevitably, a distortion of reality.

My self-image is influenced by:

  • How others see me (and what they see has obviously drastically changed)
  • How others react to me when they see me (and their reactions have changed greatly)
  • How I respond to the reactions of others when they see me – (my emotional reactions)

Yes, my self-image has changed as a result of my weight loss.

  1. I love physical challenges… I’m not afraid to bike, hike, or ski any new or more difficult trail or path.
  2. My size is no longer a defining factor in who I am. My physical image is one I embrace and do not wish to deny or shun.
  3. Now nobody can realistically look at me in my gym and wonder why I’m there or think that I don’t belong there or that I don’t fit in (regardless if anyone ever did that when I was large)

My self-image has to have changed, because I don’t look or move the same, and I’m more capable, confident and self-assured. People perceive me differently and therefore react to me differently than they did before I lost weight.

Fitting In

In years past, I sometimes found myself playing the “Big Guy” stereotype. It’s not a totally bad role to play, when owning that ‘space’ is granted to you by the people around you. Example: When my wife Colleen and I would travel by car with two or three other couples, I always rode in the front seat of the car (even when I wasn’t driving). Why? Because it was always offered to me by everyone, probably because I was 100 pounds bigger than the next biggest person, and everyone could see that I’d be more comfortable in the front seat.

Yes, sometimes it was just easier (or maybe I had just mastered it) to play into the stereotype, to just work the Big Guy persona into my self-image, than to fight it and try to replace it with another image, role, position, etc. The role was known and practiced, even if at times socially or physically awkward and uncomfortable. And although I had become good at extracting the good or useful parts of the role and limiting the downside, it was still a handicap and a burden that I always had to deal with in every personal interaction.

But stereotypes often create a situation called self-fulfilling prophecy. This happens when an established stereotype causes one to behave in a certain way, which leads the other party to behave in a way that confirms the stereotype. [M. Snyder, E. Tanke, E. Berscheid]

Now, physically I’m normal, even average. I automatically fit in. I don’t have to overcome the reality of being abnormal. As such, in every personal interaction in which I now engage, there is less stress and less of a burden on me to prove my worth and establish an identity (other than one tied to my weight) before the conversation or relationship can move on. Now I enter a new personal relationship with much more room to present a ‘me’ I want others to see.

Bias and Prejudice of Others

Six years back, I was sitting on board a Delta flight scheduled from Ft Lauderdale, FL to Columbus, OH. I had boarded early and was already settled into my aisle seat about eight rows from the front of the plane. I was watching people board the plane wondering who would draw the seat assignment between me and the window. A woman entered the plane, walked down to my row and indicated she had the window seat.

It was a very pleasant flight and we struck up a long conversation, discussing everything from our children and our careers, to politics and our personal philosophy on life. A couple of gin and tonics for each of us likely helped the conversation flow and the time fly.

As the plane was in final approach to land, I turned to her and mentioned just how much I enjoyed the flight and our interesting conversation. What she said next was worth hearing. She agreed that it had been an enjoyable flight, and then said: “When I was walking down the aisle I looked up and saw you in the seat next to mine and though ‘Oh, he’s a big guy, but then you ended up being a nice guy,’ who knew?”

I’m a nice guy? Hey thanks! Wait… what? So it’s a surprise when a big guy is a nice guy? Big guys aren’t usually nice guys? I wasn’t sure what she meant, and I really didn’t want to know. I enjoyed the conversation so much I didn’t want to ask and potentially get upset by hearing her reasoning and logic. I didn’t want to spoil the moment by suddenly gaining insight on how people might see me as not nice simply because I’m larger than the average person.

Her words have stuck in my head for six years now…. because even if the gin and tonics were responsible for her actually saying it out loud, I believe what she said reflects what she believes and perceives about people of size, and therefore controls and directs how she acts towards large people – and by my reaction, would shape how I see myself.

The way we perceive ourselves in relation to the rest of the world plays an important role in our choices, behaviors and beliefs. Conversely, the opinions of others also impact our behavior and the way we view ourselves. – Kendra Cherry, Psychology Expert

The feedback I receive from other people today is greatly different from what I had received previously. Today, nobody recoils at the thought of sitting in the airplane seat next to me. I don’t start every personal interaction with the burden of proving that I’m not a “grumpy fat guy.” I don’t have to work hard to receive the ‘benefit of the doubt’ from strangers – even for things that have nothing to do with weight or size. I don’t have to work against anybody’s preconceived notions about what or who an overweight person is, to gain their trust, acceptance and favor.

Bias and Prejudice in Ourselves

When I was seven months post-op, I sat down to write a blog post about what I was experiencing as my body morphed from fat to fit. I was trying to document how it felt to be a different sized person, a different looking person, a person who took up less space and stood out in a crowd much less than before. I was having some trouble putting my thoughts down on paper when I came across the blog of ‘Lisa,’ a gastric bypass patient who had lost a significant amount of weight. Lisa said:

Does completely changing your appearance change who you are inside? I think somewhat it does. Especially to the extent that you allowed yourself to be defined by being overweight. If you saw yourself as fat, and let that image dictate your behavior to any extent, then suddenly becoming skinny will literally blow your mind.  Imagine waking up tomorrow as a different race than you are now. Yeah, you’re still you. But then again, you’re not. You fit into society differently. People treat you differently. You see yourself differently. – Lisa, Blogger

Imagine waking up tomorrow as a different race or gender …noodle on that for a while.

More than just changing my starting point of each new personal interaction I engage in, I’ve changed my relationship with myself. I see me differently. I start my relationship with myself at a different point also. I see that I no longer have certain barriers, specific burdens, real handicaps to overcome, or to explain to myself (lie?), in order to gain my own trust, acceptance and favor. It’s easier to be me.

Bias and Prejudice of Others – Again

I am the only man in four of the five exercise classes I take each week. Just me and 15 to 25 woman. It works for me, and I don’t believe that the women have a problem with me being in the class. It’s taken a year or so, but I’ve gotten to know a few of them, and they’ve come to accept me as a part of their class. We talk a lot before and after class, speaking often about our children, work, parents, the city, schools and such. So it was exciting for me when I ran into my kickboxing classmate ‘Karen’ one evening at an uptown event. It took a minute for us both to be sure we recognized each other – being that we weren’t dressed in our workout spandex. A few minutes into our conversation I mentioned my wife, Colleen. Karen stopped me and said, “You’re married?” “Yes, I am,” I said, “31 years now.” “But you don’t wear a ring,” she said. I told her that I do have a wedding ring that was too small for me to wear when I was 400 pounds and too big now that I’m 200 pounds. And, I mentioned that I don’t really like wearing jewelry, watches, or other accessories. I reminded her that I had mentioned Colleen in several previous conversations. But she was stuck on the ring. “That’s false advertising,” she said. “There are lots of single women that see you without a ring and will think you are available.”

The last thing that would ever cross my mind is the thought that a woman in one of my exercise classes (or anywhere for that matter) would look at me and think “I wonder if he is available?” That just doesn’t happen to 400 pound guys. It’s not an event that I needed to consider, to prepare for. Yeah, today I weigh 210 pounds, but that reality hasn’t caught up to my mentality. I still react, in social situations, as I would have when I weighed 400 pounds.

All I could say to her was, ‘Why would anyone be interested in me being available?’ She totally turned my world upside down when she said, “Well, because you’re a really good-looking guy.”

Oh. Wait, what? Say that again!

Just a year ago I had to worry that a woman walking down an airplane aisle would object to being seated next to me, seeing that I took up lots of space, and fearing (apparently) that I wouldn’t be nice. This was the uphill battle position with which I started every personal interaction. 12 months later I was expected to understand that being seen without my wedding ring was ‘false advertising’ because a single woman may well want to know if I am ‘available.’

It plays with your self-image.

Building the Image I Want

About 12 months ago I was shopping in Kroger, walking around the store with a hand basket, gathering some fruit for smoothies, low carb yogurt, bottled water, cheese and some salad ingredients. I had gone straight to the grocery from my workout at the recreation center and therefore was still wearing my exercise clothes. As I walked up to a checkout aisle, a woman, about my same age, walked up at the same time, but then looked at me and commented, “Oh you go first, you’ll have a lot healthier items than me I’m sure.” It stuck me that she had quickly draw a whole bunch of conclusions about me from a little bit of evidence. She could see my level of fitness and that I was wearing exercise clothing. She may have seen some of the fruit and veggies that were in my hand basket. So from this she had built up a whole story in her head about who I was and what I was like – to her I was an exercise fanatic, lived and ate healthy, made better choices than most shoppers – and because of this*, I was someone she respected enough to deferentially yield her spot in a supermarket line, allowing me to proceed through checkout ahead of her.

I just might be wearing the persona of the ‘healthy guy’ more often. Looks like it gets respect and admiration from others, and I like it!

* (And maybe partly in contrast to what she felt about herself?)

So Who Am I?

I am a complex algorithm of formulas and variables, ever-changing by nature, and changed significantly by weight loss. Affected by the same fears, opportunities, love, wants, needs and desires as most people. Molded by my own experiences and the specific stimuli that barrage me daily, the education I derive from life, and the things I hold above all else… the moral truths and character values that sustain me.

I believe that when most people who have lost a significant amount of weight ask the question: “Am I the same person now that I was before I lost weight,” they mean to focus on non-physical traits. That is, they want to know if they still have the same values, the same spirituality, the same sense of right and wrong, the same moral character as they did when they were large.

It has been four years since my surgery. I’ve grown, experienced, evolved and changed during that time. Some of those changes were tied directly to my weight loss journey, but other changes would have happened naturally anyway, the result of events such as the death of a friend, our retirement, and extensive world traveling. So, are my moral and character values still the same as they were before I lost weight? No, they’ve grown, evolved, and changed over the past four years.

So am I a different person now than I was before I lost weight?

My answer is that, yes, I am a different person than I was four years ago. I cannot be the same person. Neither I, nor the people I interact with every day, will let me be the same person. My image of me has changed. The image others project or assume about me have changed – and therefore much of the world to which I react has changed. My physical transformation has leached into much of my personhood. Am I different? Yes, easily.

Reflecting on the question now, it seems rather silly to ask. Of course you become a different person when you lose 200 pounds. How could you not change? Let me suggest that this is not the question we should be asking. Maybe instead of wondering if we’ve changed, we should just accept that we have and then ask “What now?” Now that you’ve lost 200 pounds and remade yourself, what are you going to do with the rest of your life? You’ve proven that you are up to great challenges, that you can accomplish things that many other human beings cannot. So, what now?

Look at it this way, you bought into your weight loss journey as a life-changing event, you accepted that for the rest of your life you’ll eat well and exercise, so, too, accept that for the rest of your life you’ll be developing ‘you.’ That the ‘you’ we see today will yield to the ‘you’ you’ll be tomorrow. That discovering who you are is every bit as much a goal of your journey as weight loss – and every bit as important.

Enjoy!

Public and Private Victory

Leave a reply

tee shirt3Victories of Various Sizes

There are many victories that I got to savor as I lost weight and my body shrank in size. Victories such as fitting into the backseat of a car, flying comfortably in a center seat of an airplane, or shopping at a regular store and not the Big & Tall. Most who have faced the battle of being a large person in a normal sized world (and possibly some who have not) will understand these events and the joy of the experience.

There are other small and important victories I experienced along the journey that are known by only me. My favorite of these events occurred about a year into my weight loss. I was rummaging through a storage bin where, as I was gaining weight, I had placed clothes that no longer fit. Most people who have battled weight gain have a similar bin of clothes that they save because, “I’ll lose this weight and wear them again.”

Public Victory

Blessed to have been successful in my gastric bypass weight loss journey, I actually did have the opportunity to wear these clothes again as I began to reduce in size. My pants shrank from size 54 to 34, while my shirt size shrank from a 5x to a large, or even a medium. A medium! I opened the clothes storage bins and began what my friend Jo called “shopping in my closet.”

Private Victory

My greatest joy came when I found an old tee-shirt at the bottom of the bin. I remembered how much I loved wearing it with a pair of jeans and tennis shoes on a Saturday afternoon, back before I’d really gained weight. I slipped my left and right arms into the tee-shirt and through the arm holes and raised them above my head into a V to draw the shirt down. It’s what happened in the next five to ten seconds that was so special.

The tee-shirt, pulled by gravity, simply fluttered as it descended over my head, down my chest, and it continued to descend past my stomach until totally unfurled. It hadn’t been held up by a distended stomach, requiring that I pull and stretch it across a wide expanse of belly in order to get it down. No, it fluttered. It descended on its own, capturing a pocket of air between itself and my body which caused it to flap and flutter as it fell into place. It felt like success. It was a reward. I felt it deeply and savored the moment.

Victory Shared

When you lose 200 pounds, you’ll experience many victorious moments. These moments can bring great joy and happiness, fulfillment and reward. Some victories will be big and public, while some may be small and known by only you. The experience of having my tee-shirt flutter down my body, unencumbered by a distended stomach or rolls of fat as it fell to its full length, was my favorite private victory that, until now, was known by only me.

What are some of your favorite moments of victory?

Travel and Adventure

Leave a reply

Traveling Through Time

My wife Colleen and I recently took a trip across the eastern part of the U.S. to visit several family members and friends. We drove from our home in central Ohio through Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Washington DC, Maryland, Virginia and West Virginia over 11 days. Our stops included an old friend and co-worker I hadn’t seen in 27 years, a niece and her new baby born while her husband was deployed with the U.S. Navy, an old friend of the family who grew up just down the block from me and was my little sister’s best friend, a college roommate and good friend of our youngest son, a nephew and his three children, two of whom we’d never met, and several other old and dear friends.

Each of these visits were unique as the people involved. Their ages ranged from twenty-six (26) to pushing sixty (60), their lifestyles varied from single to married with children to empty-nesters, and our histories are just as diverse and varied.

It was an excellent trip. We shared wonderful memories, told and retold stories, looked at photos, met children and ‘significant others,’ remembered people who have since left us, and reconnected in a way that made it feel like no time had passed since we last met. Truly a blessed trip.

Food and Fellowship

And interestingly, in each case, our reunions occurred around meals. Isn’t it fascinating how sharing a meal is so instrumental in helping us share, connect, and relate to each other? The simple act of sitting down together, over a meal, provides us comfort in finding common ground and at the same time provides us a safe environment to celebrate our unique differences. I understand why the act of breaking bread together has such strong symbolism and invokes our spiritual senses.

If you really want to make a friend, go to someone’s house and eat with him… the people who give you their food give you their heart.    – Cesar Chavez

Our Daily Bread

For the weight loss surgery patient, this situation can present important issues that must be faced. In our lives, food has served several purposes. We must eat to live, that’s a fact. But eating and eating well are two different things. It’s very easy to get caught up in the celebration of friendship, family, and connectedness that dining together facilitates. It’s easy to lose control, becoming swept up in the euphoria of the moment, and to give into a ‘more is better’ approach that may have gotten us into trouble in the first place.

Control is a Blessing

I found my control over food by implementing two tactics. First, I waited five or even ten minutes after the food was served to begin eating. During that time I focused on what this reunion meant to me, on how fortunate I am that I hadn’t eaten myself to an early grave, and that Divine Providence had kept my friend or family member safe from harm and available to sit with Colleen and me on this day. Second, I pictured being allowed the gift of having this person as a guest at my house sometime in the future. This helped me remember to eat right, so that I might stay healthy and fit for their visit. In these tactics, I found the ability to manage myself and control the urge to overeat.

Celebrate YOU

As the end of year holidays approach, and with them the abundance of foods that are offered as we eat and dine together, remember to the share fellowship, acknowledge the blessings, celebrate the pageantry and spirituality that these holidays bring, and reflect on the words of Anthony Bourdain when he says:

Meals make the society, hold the fabric together in lots of ways that were charming and interesting and intoxicating to me. The perfect meal, or the best meals, occur in a context that frequently has very little to do with the food itself.  

There will be food, and there will be You. You are the important element in that pairing. You.

When Losing is Winning!

Leave a reply

love-lifeSince beginning my weight loss journey, I’ve answered what seems like hundreds of questions asked by friends and strangers alike. Questions have ranged from “How did you do it?” to “Do you feel better?” to “You’re not sick are you?” People seem genuinely interested in the details of my weight loss, and even more so when they learn that I used gastric bypass as a tool to aid me in the effort.

To the question of how I did it I usually answer, “With the help of gastric bypass, I’ve learned to eat well and exercise.” Or I say, “The only way it can be done… I take in fewer calories than I burn up.” I explain that it’s not just the proper eating that has helped me, but that I work out every day. My weight has dropped because of calorie deficiency, but my body has grown trim and fit because of the exercise I get.

The Whispered Question

I love talking about my weight loss experience, and I willingly answer all questions in great detail and specifics. I guess that my direct honesty and openness is why, eventually, if we speak long enough, someone will ask me – no, usually whisper to me—a question about my sex life. “Has it improved?”

My answer? I usually tell them, with a great big smile, that I can now do one-armed push ups and hold a plank for three minutes. I let them do the math on that. You can, too.

Science Tells Us Why

Should it be surprising that, with a major weight loss and improved body strength and endurance, my libido would rage and sex life improve? Science and medicine have proven the connection.

First, it doesn’t take a clinical study to understand that being obese puts a real damper on a person’s self-confidence and ability to function sexually:

  • It’s hard to feel attractive to your partner,
  • Physics works against you,
  • You have less strength and stamina

According to WebMD, testosterone levels in obese men are often low[i].

While, as published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, “Dramatic weight loss achieved with weight loss surgery fosters an increase in levels of the male sex hormone testosterone.” Testosterone is the main hormone that regulates a man’s libido and sex drive.

Just another benefit of weight loss surgery and my Journey to Fitness. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go workout.

[i] http://www.webmd.com/men/features/can-you-boost-testosterone-naturally

October 3rd 2010

Leave a reply

Four years ago tonight (October 3rd 2010) I checked into the Comfort Suites motel across the street from St John’s in Madison Heights with my youngest son Tom and my wife Colleen, wondering what tomorrow would hold for me. I weighed 404 pounds and would undergo RNY gastric bypass surgery the next morning.  Although I had no idea just how life-changing my surgery and the years that followed would be, I was pretty sure that life was about to change for me. Decades of fighting a losing battle against weight, and a couple of years of investigating and considering GB had brought me to this point in my life. A point where I was simultaneously accepting as fact that I had failed to manage my weight with the tools I had at my disposal (my own will power and self-control), while believing that I had made a sound rational decision to adopt, through irreversible surgery, the tool of GB to aid me in finally overcoming this obstacle to physical health, and happiness with myself.

 

I tried to imagine life after GB. I wasn’t scared, but I was a bit anxious. I had full trust in Dr Sabir, the hospital and the medical procedure.  I had come to the decision to have GB surgery through quite a bit of deliberation. I had fought weight issues for decades and felt ready for whatever lifestyle changes would soon become my new normal.  As Tom, Colleen and I sat around the hotel and talked, I found that I wasn’t reflecting on the RNY procedure, or any impact of GB, as much as the feeling that I was embarking on more than a journey of weight loss or even more that a journey of health and fitness.  I didn’t know it then, but everything was about to change. Everything.

 

Tom and I went swimming in the hotel pool. I tried to imagine what it would feel like to lose weight such that I would not be self-conscience in a swim suit out in public. I remember trying to visualize what it would feel like to again be ‘normal.’ I had high hopes that this new tool I was about to receive would give me the resource I needed to become capable of managing my body. Little did I know that my RNY surgery would provide the impetus for a series of life-style changes that would affect every aspect of my life… my work life, spiritual life, and family life.

 

Four years ago my business partner and I were running our own business and I was working 100+ hours a week, working every day of the year. I would have said that my health, my family, and my spirituality were my highest priorities in life, but my actions would have shown otherwise. My time was spent working – not at a labor of love, or in following my bliss and passions, but in pursuit of money, of title, of position, to impress others, to buy and acquire material objects. I was defining myself by extrinsic rather than intrinsic measures. How I treated my body was just one outward example of my misguided priorities.

 

The complete story of my change is long and involved. I’ve blogged about it and written articles about it, but the condensed bottom line is this, when RNY gave me a tool to help me give my body what it needs rather than what it wants, it also ignited resources inside me that allowed me to do the same with my time, my energy, my creativity, my talent, my mind and my heart.

 

Within a year I had lost 202 pounds, sold my stock in my business and retired from consulting, volunteered my time in my community, ceased the search for more and bigger material ‘stuff,’ found peace in meditation, exercise, Tai Chi and Buddhism, reconnected with friends and family, took up or again practiced passions from my past such as hiking, travel, and bike riding.

 

I am a wealthy man. That is a strange statement in that I don’t have a job and I’m not rich. I am wealthy not because of any money or treasure that I put in warehouses for some potential future need, but because of the people I’ve met and the experiences I’ve shared in the past four years. I learned to give myself what I need rather than what I might feel I want.

 

The ‘big bang’ of my new existence occurred four years ago tonight, in a rather bland motel room in Madison Heights, on October 3rd, 2010.

Simple vs Easy and the Four Strategies

Leave a reply

puzzlepieces2About two months before my Roux-En Y gastric bypass procedure, I sought to gain an insight into what people who underwent weight loss surgery and had succeeded in losing weight (and maintaining that weight loss) did differently than others. What acts or strategies did they utilize that other, less successful, WLS patients did not?

I hoped to find at least a couple of tips and tricks that just might make this difficult Journey to Fitness a bit simpler.

So I searched the Internet for Success with Gastric Bypass.  If you do this, you will find a well-published study (http://www.colleencook.com/PDF/SuccessHabitsOriginalArticle.pdf) that lists six “success habits” found to be common in people who achieved long-term success with gastric bypass. I was excited to click on the link and learn what simple tricks others have employed to make their GB experience so successful. What I found was a bit… well, Simple:

  1. Successful patients manage what they eat,
  2. Successful patients drank water (and not drink carbonated, sweetened, caffeinated, or alcoholic beverages),
  3. Successful patients took daily multiple vitamins and calcium,
  4. Successful patients slept 7 hours per night on the average,
  5. Successful patients exercised regularly,
  6. Successful patients took personal responsibility for staying in control.

So the secret to losing weight and maintaining that weight loss is to take personal responsibility to eat well, exercise, and get sleep. Simple… and frankly, something we already know. You lose weight by taking in fewer calories than your body burns, and you burn more calories by increasing your level of physical activity.

Turns out, weight loss/management and a healthy lifestyle is Simple… it’s just not Easy.

What I really wanted to find were tips and tricks to make weight loss Easier.   How great would it be to come across a study titled: “Six Tips for Easy Weight Loss and Maintenance.”

This Simple vs Easy scenario plays out with alcoholics and gamblers, where the Simple answer to their problem is this: Don’t drink/gamble. However simple this solution, the act of implementing this solution can be very, very difficult (not easy). The Simple part of the answer deals with facts, logic, formulas, math, etc., while the Easy/Hard part of the answer deals with our emotions, fears, desires, personal strengths and weaknesses, time, environment, wealth/income, etc.

The issues related to implementing a new lifestyle are so closely tied to our own personal strengths and weaknesses… to our ability to work with and not against our own personality, emotions, and deep-seated fears and hopes. Looking closely at my history and knowing, as I believe I do, what does and what does not motivate me, I wrote down what I believed to be the four biggest BARRIERS to my success:

  • Conflicting Priorities – I always say that exercising is important to me, but I never make time.
  • Dishonesty (w/ myself/others) – I act as if everything is OK, yet I am in bad shape and my body is failing.
  • Poor Planning & Implementation – I fail to follow through, don’t hold to a schedule, and lack commitment.
  • Recklessness & Sabotage – overeating and drinking, pretending MORE is always better and desirable.

It is reasonable to conclude that to create an environment where I might more easily implement my Journey to Fitness… to create the conditions where doing whatever is necessary to make success is my ‘first-choice’, and where I build a will that is stronger than any impediments… will need a monumental change…in me.

I set out to craft my own set of guidelines or strategies that I believed would make eating well, getting regular exercise, and living a healthy lifestyle Easier to achieve, and thereby maximizing my chances of success with GB.

I came up with these:

Strategy #1 – Prioritize: Put First Things First

And it goes like this… You are First.   It should go without saying, but if you are not healthy, if your condition is such that you cannot take full advantage of the opportunities that life offers you – to travel, to play and recreate, to experience first-hand the wonders of nature, to share activities with your friends and loved ones, to take part in your hobbies and express your passions, then you MUST prioritize your life and put yourself and your health first.

I am sorry, but this one is not negotiable… If you cannot do this, you cannot make the Journey.

Someone once told me that this rule was establishing a right to be selfish. It sure sounds like it: ‘I am First.’ Sounds self-centered, selfish, maybe even conceited.

I disagree. I think weighing 400+ pounds is an ultimate act of self-centered, selfish conceit. As a 400+ pound person you make everyone adjust around your condition… you always get the front seat in the car and the isle at the theater, your clothes cost more at the Big & Tall store, you wear out your side of the bed faster, you create worry and fear in the minds of your friends and family.

This rule does not authorize or legitimize a right to be selfish, it in fact it mandates that you get those self-centered issues under control and out of your being before you move forward with WLS and the Journey to a New Life. It mandates that you look at your life and make some decisions about what you really want and prioritize your time and energies accordingly.

  • You say family comes first, but your actions suggest otherwise (work hours, travel, distractions).
  • You say you like ‘simple’ things but continue to buy bigger and newer ‘stuff.’
  • You say you’d like to ‘give back’ but you don’t donate your money or volunteer your time anywhere.

You can no longer claim benefit from both sides of the problem – behaving in a self-centered manner (weighing 400+ pounds), all the while professing that you put your family (or your job, or…) ahead of yourself. When in reality you fail both yourself and your family (or job, etc.).

Strategy #2 – Learn to be Brutally Honest

I contend that nobody gets to weigh 400+ pounds without lying to themselves and others a great deal. Everyday. About everything. Some lies are small, such as telling yourself that clothing manufactures must have begun labeling their products smaller and smaller – that is, what used to be an Extra Large is now labeled Large, hence your need to move up to a 2XL. The clothing has just gotten smaller you assure yourself. Other lies are bigger, such as telling your spouse that it wasn’t you that ate the whole pizza.

I’ve lied when asked about how many times I went through the buffet line. “It’s none of their business,” I’d think, so why should I be honest with them? However, the lie is actually more for me than for them. I need to deny my actions to me even more than to another person.

In 2008, I ran into a very old friend that I hadn’t seen in over 20 years. Al was always in good shape, but here 20 years later, at 52 years old, he looked exactly as he did at 32, trim and healthy. One sight of Al and all I could think of was: “What’s his secret?” I will never forget both the look on his face and the sound of his voice when he answered that question with “I eat right and exercise.”

What!? No magic pill? No miracle exercise program? Not what I wanted to hear. Lie to me Al. I’ll lie to myself later and convince myself that you are the lucky beneficiary of fantastic genes, or that you must have some physical condition that keeps you thin and trim. No Bill, nothing like that, just simple math and the courage to be truthful with yourself.

This honesty extends to after surgery also. Learn to tell everyone, everything (they will ask), about your surgery, your recovery, the highs and lows, the good and bad, the ugly and the uglier. Use the words you’ve despised for so long… say: “I was obese,” or “I couldn’t do it on my own,” or “I had weight loss surgery.”   Tell all the details honestly and openly. Look, if you are succeeding at losing weight, everybody will see it and they will ask questions. Use these opportunities as a chance to self-talk, to be your own therapist. Work out your issues by talking them out. Plus, you’ll be surprised just how interested people are in what you’re doing… in how it works… in what it means for you. Share.

Get used to telling your story over and over. Tell it honestly and without any agenda. You’ve got a lot of lies and half-truths from when you were fat to balance out. Never sugar coat your experience, never dilute nor enhance the truth, don’t duck facts and history. Accepting what you are (vulnerable, susceptible, corruptible, etc) and what you’ve done (poor self-management), is essential for planning and implementing who you’ll be from here forward.

Strategy #3 – Don’t Consider WLS until You Have a Pre and Post-Surgery Diet and Exercise Plan

Once you make the decision to pursue a WLS option, you need to begin the development and use of a Pre and Post Nutrition & Exercise plan. The idea is that your chances of success in any effort are greater when you develop and use a plan.

  • Planning breeds ownership. When you make a plan you own the plan.
  • Planning allows for the ability to adopt and change along the journey.
  • Planning provides both a road map and a timeline that can keep you on track.

Why include a Pre surgery plan?

The result you want (the difference between describing yourself as you are now and describing yourself as you’d like to be) requires:

  1. Permanent changes in the way I eat – specifically, I need to eat first to fuel my body. This will likely change the types of foods I eat and I will likely eat less food (less calories) overall.
  1. Permanent changes in my activity level – specifically, I will be engaging in aerobic and other endurance activities, and weight lifting/strength training. My activity level will increase in both frequency and intensity.

Permanent means for the rest of your life. When does the rest of your life start? How about now!   It may take anywhere from three to twelve months for your WLS to be scheduled. You will be required to have a physical and a psychological evaluation before the surgery can be scheduled. There is no reason to put off making the lifestyle changes now.

Planning that includes pre surgery will create an environment where I am more likely to succeed in my goal of losing weight and maintaining that weight loss. Since gastric bypass is only a tool to aid with weight loss and weight maintenance, a plan should begin before surgery and incorporate surgery into the overall plans. Otherwise you are doing one of two things:

  1. You are procrastinating making an actual lifestyle change. You won’t create and start a pre surgery nutrition and exercise plan because you don’t really want to change and therefore you are not ready for WLS
  2. You believe WLS will do the work for you… that after WLS you’ll be thinner, your temptations all assuaged and you weaknesses all overcome by the surgery. You are not prepared for the work you will have to do and therefore you are not ready for WLS

Planning for only post WLS nutritional and exercise needs creates an environment where I am more likely to fail at achieving my weight loss and weight maintenance goals. It will leave me unprepared for the sudden changes that WLS may impose upon me.

The most important new trait that will need to be learned and implemented is to eat by design and election… what to eat, when to eat it, how much to eat. Eating well is to be a life-long endeavor, with habits developed through constantly electing to follow my designed nutrition plan. The more I practice eating via design and election, the easier it will be to adopt to the following:

  • Eat well while working through the administrative details of scheduling my WLS (pre surgery),
  • The first six months after surgery where I have absolutely no appetite and very limited food options,
  • The time that my appetite returns and I have to deal with real feelings of hunger,
  • The increase of options (temptations?) once my stomach can tolerate a wider range of foods,
  • Eating after I have achieved my targeted weight loss,
  • Special occasions that offer nutritional challenges – Thanksgiving, parties, Halloween, St Patrick’s Day, etc.

The second important new trait that will need to be learned and implemented is to exercise by design and election… when and where to exercise and what exercise to do. Exercising is to be a life-long endeavor, with habits developed through constantly electing to follow my designed exercise plan. The more I exercise via design and election, the easier it will be to make it habitual.

Strategy #4 – Living with Control and Within Limits

There are dozens of possible methods to sabotage a weight loss effort. There are likely hundreds of reasons why we might sabotage ourselves and our weight loss results. We often engage in reckless behavior, sometimes planned, but usually spontaneous, reckless behavior can surface anywhere at any time and can derail the best of plans.

Dealing with the deeper reasons of why someone would sabotage their own efforts can be a long and involved process. I am sure that some people won’t be able to progress without working those issues out first, then pursuing weight loss and lifestyle changes. I am much less oriented toward discovering the psychological explanations behind these feelings in me and much more toward designing the paradigm of developing self-control and living within limits.

Like many gastric bypass patients, I had a challenge reintroducing foods to my new stomach. I threw up a lot.

People would see this happening and say, with the best of intentions, “You’ll just have to learn your limits.” It sounds like good advice. It sounds logical. But it’s only good advice if your goal is to find and then eat at the limits of your new stomach – to eat up to the edge of throwing up.

After much reflection on this subject, it occurred to me that a better goal is to learn to provide your body the fuel and nutrients it needs to perform for you. In doing this, you will likely need nowhere near the ‘limit’ of your new stomach.

In fact, knowing your ‘limit’ isn’t useful at all. Back when I weighed 404 pounds, I used to know my limit: six Big Macs! Knowing that limit didn’t help me at all. I don’t need to know my limits to know and manage my needs.

The Sabotage of Time/Focus/Attention

It is so much less effort to sit around and debate the simple ‘facts’ of weight loss, rather than work on actually starting the hard changes we need to make. This is why we spend so much time with calorie counters, Deal-A-Meal folders, nutritional labels, designer diet plans, etc., because they shift the focus from making changes in ourselves, to debates about what percent of your diet should be carbs vs protein vs fat.

Hey, let’s debate calorie counts of foods or the accuracy of nutritional labels with each other rather than confronting the changes we need to make in ourselves. Debating if eating 1200 calories a day with a distribution of 40/30/30% (carbs/protein/fats) is better than eating 1200 calories a day distributed 30/40/30%, all the while eating 3600 calories a day while having this debate – is an act of sabotage – act now, fine tune as you go, but make a change in yourself now.

Overcoming my reckless and self-sabotage actions and learning to live in control and within limits will make implementing my weight loss and proper eating plans easier, and therefore more likely that I will succeed at achieving my goals.

 

 

Nobody Else

Leave a reply

“How Did You Do It?” I know people who have undergone gastric bypass, lost weight, and are afraid of the question: “How did you do it.” They are afraid of the reaction of some people who say: “Oh, I thought you did it yourself.” There are people who do not understand that you did indeed, do it yourself. Against all odds, and at great personal cost and risk, you did it. Let me say it again: YOU DID IT!

nobody elseLet that soak in for a second… for a minute. Revel in it. You did it. Nobody else did it for you. Nobody else experienced the pain, the fear, the cost. Nobody else will be making the same life-long commitment that you did for yourself. It is you. Do not let anyone try to make you feel less than proud about your accomplishment. EVER. Celebrate what you’ve done, what you’ve accomplished. Let it show in the happy expression on your face, in the excited words of your voice, in the exuberance of your attitude and your body language. It is nearly impossible for someone to make you feel bad about what you’ve achieved or how you’ve accomplished it when you are beaming with pride and self-confidence. Your joy will overcome their ignorance (or their jealously, or their callousness) every time, easily seen by anyone watching the interaction.

Dozens of times I have been met with the “Oh” reaction from people who just heard me answer their “How did you do it” question with ‘gastric bypass’. Their look of amazement morphing into that of ‘less than impressed.’ And dozens of times I’ve changed their opinion by simply being so overjoyed to talk about the surgery and how I now manage myself successfully – how I eat right and exercise. Truth be told I couldn’t care less if they think I took the easy way out, or if they are impressed with what I’ve accomplished. Usually I am telling my story as a form of self-reinforcement. I hold my own ‘group session,’ my own motivational talk, my therapy. But most importantly I speak the truth… I don’t lie, to myself or others, about what got me into trouble, about my struggles to get deal with my weight issues, or about the fantastic tool that gastric bypass is and how I’ve been able to use it to achieve my dreams.

I find that most people are inspired by my story and that they find my honesty refreshing. Almost everybody has an issue that plagues their life. Almost everyone lies to themselves about something they know is ruining their life, something they need the courage to change. Alcoholism, gambling, addictions of all sorts. I’ve had people breakdown and cry, right in front of me, as I was telling my story. Hearing me speak truthfully about my own weaknesses, my own failings, they realize they’ve been lying to themselves and others for so long, and they want out. Out of their bad habits, out of lying, out of what scares them, and into whatever I have found. And I want it for them.

Yeah, there are people who don’t right away see gastric bypass as a real and legitimate weight loss method. I love running into those people. I love the opportunity to tell my story and bare the truth in front of them. I love being able to be open and honest and to share the supreme joy I have at what I’ve gone through and what I’ve accomplished. And when they look at me again, this time with respect and awe in their eyes, I know that honesty, with myself and with others is essential to my success. There is no other way.